communication and understanding

Let’s start this topic with a question.

In a relationship/marriage who’s to understand  and who’s to communicate?

I asked few people this same question and I got amazing responses,

    

     this two over the years has so far proven to be the bench mark of man kind from generation to generation up till date in regards relationship , many relationship have broken up and many marriages have been torn apart, not because they never loved each other, but because they don’t understand each other ,understanding is not comprehending your partner, its far from just that you know? it is being more sensitive and aware with the people we claim to love. understanding isn’t about knowledge alone. there is intimacy in understanding, someone  who doesn’t understand finds it so difficult to express there deeper love for you, not because they don’t want to but because they barely know who you really are. our ego are what seems to get in the way of understanding those who we love ,often times, its our need to be right always that makes our partners think wrong of us, i am certainly guilty of this in some of my pass relationship.when you understand someone, like truly understand someone, you can’t help but love them, therefore, anyone in your life, who you feel less love for, you have misunderstood…

     As a lady, i’m sure some one must have said this to you, “someday my love, you’re going to UNDERSTAND just how much i care for you, you’re my light ,my better half, i only feel alive when you’re around’’ and you probably smile it off and walk pass, you walked pass not because those words didn’t ring a bell, but because you didn’t see a need  to wait and give it another thought and understanding why he uttered those words, which bring us to the second part of our discussion, communication.

      Honestly, communication is one of the biggest tools in a relationship, its about connecting emotion using verbal, wirtten or physical skill to fulfil your partner’s need.

      We all crave for connection in our daily lives, but often times, our intimate relationship is where we expect to find the most connection, when we don’t get that connection, we feel ISOLATED and misunderstood, we let those emotions lead to fight, argument or worst we stop communicating for a while, communication in a relationship is very essential for a healthy connection. its not just about making  of small talks like ”hey babe how was your day ,hope it went fine” nah thats not communicating, you should dig deeper for an extraordinary conversation, communicating with your partner is about fulfilling your partners need, one must learn how to listen while talking for that relationship to blossom.

                 keys to good communication in a relationship

here are the key things to note in building a healthy relationship.

like i said earlier, that communication is about using emotion, verbal, written or physical skill to fulfill your partners need, and not making of small talks, its about understanding your partners point of views, offering support and letting them know you’re their number one fan,

1.Discover your communication skill.. 

     Before you go about learning how to improve on your communication in your relationship, you have to understand that not every one have the same communication preference, some person respond better with gift giving, some like to talk, some prefer touches..i’m sure you already know your style of communicating skill with this little insight, what about your partner? 

2.Discover your partners needs;

       Discovering your partner needs is one of the major key factor to an effective communication in a relationship, once you discover which needs matters the most to your partner, you will know how to communicate with your partner and in a way that satisfies them…

3.Determine if your partners needs are being met:

        The key to a better communication in relationship is not in the actual verbal communication at all, its in the way we listen when the other speaks.your partner maybe communicating exactly what the problem is ,but if you’re not listening, you will miss it.in most relationship, people don’t listen to understand your own point of view, they only listen to lunch their own attack.thats not listening, it is waiting to talk. insteasd listen calm, open mind and really hear what they are saying, this is one of the best way to create a bond and connection with your partner in a deeper level.

4.Honesty

       Honesty i think should be top of my list, there is this common saying, “say what you mean and mean what you say”,make your feelings clear, pulling from conflict or a fight don’t make that fight go away, walking away from a fight is a temporary way to deal with ongoing communication issue and should only be done to achieve a brief cooling down.in a relationship where you find yourself burying your emotions to please each other and avoid problem, this temporary peacekeeping may turn a two way relationship to one, and thats not a suitable outcome.

5.Be present in  your relationship:

        Remember this in your next fight, intimacy, love and trust are built in hard times.it is way difficult to listen and be fully present when you’re arguing, this is part of life and  its of importance to realise that its not an  excuse for neglecting communication in relationship.you owe that to your partner.

6.Let things go:

        1st thing i say to people who are in the verge of a breakup is this...“remember why you’re here, remember the goals and the commitment, remember the stress building this relationship ,are you sure you want to end things because of this little conflict ? this fights are to strengthen that bold ,love, trust and intimacy, and letting this ruin your relationship, your never get to know whats in the next phase in that relationship

in summary, in a relationship, you owe each other communication and understanding.